My friend,
If you need constant reassurance of how special, attractive, talented, and artistic you are then you're probably not really any of those things. You're a big fish in a microscopic pond, and the things you have yet to learn will crush you. You don't walk, talk, sing, write, live, breathe on your own because you don't have to, yet you need the world to know who you are. You are no one. You are broken glass. If I had only known then what I know now.
Your mind and your words are full of pretty little thoughts that tell you how innocent and victimized you are. You flash whatever you want to whoever you need and then rape them. You're a user and you're full of fire. Liars don't take what they are aware of. They steal small bits of spirits until they have created their idol of hatred and lovers.
You believe in burning bushes, minor prophets, and foreign tongues, but the articulation of snakes makes you spit horse shit. You're a fucking goddess waste.
Make yourself a child bride of a charmer. I'll be the first thing you see when the prince shows himself.
I poured myself out to the beauty and you recoiled.
I gave, I gave, I gave, I gave. You took.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Blooden Fleshen Birds
I listened, I listened, I listened, I listened. It wasn't pleasant.
You still fell away. You never gave me what I asked for and I'm not delighted.
I'm not an artist. I don't want to be one...I don't think. There are advantages to not knowing anything, yet I feel such an annoying need to know it all. Has anyone ever told you that you were strange? I don't want that to be a compliment or to hear it anymore.
I often think about what my life would have been like if my family never moved to North Carolina and I had grown up in Texas. Would I be the same stranger that I am now? Would I still think wheat 'n' chedder crackers and diet coke is a perfect snack?
If you're not sure you should tell me something then don't. It's not my business. I don't want to know. I love information, but not about your life. Well, there are a few people that I want to know absolutely everything about.
A+B=b
To see animals in their natural environment is beautiful and makes me philosophical and calm. To see people in their natural environment is usually a bummer.
Is it possible for anyone to ever truly and completely understand anything, or do humans live in a constant state of ignorance? Probably the latter. We think we are so brilliant and above any kind of authority or accountability. That makes me laugh. Humans are so ridiculous.
I want to be an anointer. I want to be everywhere and dust. If I could put on the perfect show it would have two bearded women and no intermission. No time for foolishness.
It has nothing to do with you. Don't make it. Don't use it. Don't encourage it. Stay away until you're not so fleshen.
You still fell away. You never gave me what I asked for and I'm not delighted.
I'm not an artist. I don't want to be one...I don't think. There are advantages to not knowing anything, yet I feel such an annoying need to know it all. Has anyone ever told you that you were strange? I don't want that to be a compliment or to hear it anymore.
I often think about what my life would have been like if my family never moved to North Carolina and I had grown up in Texas. Would I be the same stranger that I am now? Would I still think wheat 'n' chedder crackers and diet coke is a perfect snack?
If you're not sure you should tell me something then don't. It's not my business. I don't want to know. I love information, but not about your life. Well, there are a few people that I want to know absolutely everything about.
A+B=b
To see animals in their natural environment is beautiful and makes me philosophical and calm. To see people in their natural environment is usually a bummer.
Is it possible for anyone to ever truly and completely understand anything, or do humans live in a constant state of ignorance? Probably the latter. We think we are so brilliant and above any kind of authority or accountability. That makes me laugh. Humans are so ridiculous.
I want to be an anointer. I want to be everywhere and dust. If I could put on the perfect show it would have two bearded women and no intermission. No time for foolishness.
It has nothing to do with you. Don't make it. Don't use it. Don't encourage it. Stay away until you're not so fleshen.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Two-timing a two-timer
Dudes,
If my 3 readers don't mind indulging me, I'd like to make this entry about something rather serious and critically close to my heart. If you came here to read the idiotic ramblings that I've presented up to this point then I'd like to say I'm sorry for this short detour. But NOT TO WORRY! The S.S. Incoherence will continue sailing very soon.
My Entire life has been influenced by religion. Hmmm.....influenced? Actually it's been mostly dominated by it. Like the majority of people I know, Christianity is my tradition. It doesn't really matter if I believe in it or not. I've been told to believe in God and Jesus for as long as I have been pooping in a real toilet (probably longer). Yes I think talking about poop is funny, but the point I'm making is that God is as central to my existence as bowel movements. The difference between those two things is that I know for a fact bowel movements exist. Anyone who was raised to be a Christian understands what I'm saying.
Why is it that I've been learning about God and Jesus Christ my entire life, but the whole concept is more confusing now than it has ever been? Shouldn't it be the other way around? There are just too many damn nagging questions.
It turns out I'm pretty broke. So today I went to try to sell a laundry basket full of books and dvds at Edward McKay's Used Books. It's a nice place. As I was waiting for them to dig through about 200 items only to offer me $37, I came across a book called Farewell to God. It was written by a lovely man named Charles Templeton. I say Mr. Templeton is lovely mainly because he's Canadian and all Americans know that Canadians are nicer than us and are usually, in fact, quite lovely. Mr. Templeton is a former evangelist who used to travel with Billy Graham. He studied theology at Princeton and was once one of the most prominent leaders in the American Presbyterian church. The reason most of us haven't heard of him is because he's super old and did most of his churching in the mid-twentieth century. Yep...churching...I liked it too. Because his book is called "Farewell to God," you've probably figured out that he left the ministry and is no longer a Christian. Just too many of those damn nagging questions...
There are tons of silly little questions that bug me like, "Why does God continue to let good people suffer while Manchester United keeps winning?" That was a soccer joke. But for reals, questions never go away, but I'm just going to focus on a few big ones. The God of the Old Testament is moody, jealous, insecure, vengeful, and extremely nit-picky. Then in the New Testament Jesus shows up and tells everyone how merciful and loving God is. So which is it? If God is so loving and merciful then why are there so many conditions on me being able to spend eternity in his heaven? And if he is jealous, insecure, and vengeful then is that really a god I want to worship or who is even deserving of it? Mr. Templeton is smarter than me so here's a piece of his mind:
"...let common sense rule for a moment: is it reasonable to believe that if the Creator of all the earth and Father of all mankind wanted to reveal himself and his will to the men and women of the world he would do so only to a tiny group of Mediterranean people, leaving the remainder of the world in ignorance? But many Christians do believe and teach this. They believe that, apart from their God, all men and women live in pagan darkness. Indeed, it is this conviction that provides the motivation for Christians in their efforts to get the gospel message out. Even more incredibly, Christians believe that the failure to accept Jesus Christ as Saviour and Lord is to be consigned at death to an endless hell.
The implication of this belief is clear: it is that the vast majority of the men, women, and children who have lived on earth are in Hell suffering endless torment and will remain in this condition forever.
To believe this is to make the Christian God a monster beyond imagining. Any intelligent human being will recognize that the concept is incredible." -Charles Templeton, Farewell to God
Like I said earlier, the subject of Christianity and faith is very important to me. There have been times in my life when I was completely devoted to following to Jesus, and there have also been times when all the questions and uncertainties made me want to walk away from it completely. To be honest, I find most Christians kind of annoying, but I think that has a lot to do with living in the Bible Belt my entire life. Puritan culture is so deeply rooted in this part of the country that it's downright disgusting. I know people who wholeheartedly believe that the type of haircut you have is directly related to the content of your character. Then again if you drive a minivan with those stick-figure family stickers on the back window then I probably hate you and believe you to be lacking character. I guess we all have our prejudices.
Here's one of the biggest questions I have: "What exactly is it that I need to be saved from?" My parents do gross things with each other then around nine months later I pop out. Mom says, "I shall call him Benny." Dad says, "Ben, cut the grass." So I slobber around for a while until I get to about age 5 and then the party is OVER! I am now at the "age of accountability" and am responsible for all the horrible things I've done and will do in the future. Apparently I'm a dirty rotten sinner and I need Jesus to come save me. Damnit. I was having so much fun too. The "age of accountability" has got to be my favorite Christian creation. One day some saint had a reasonable thought and said, "Wait....what about children who die before they are able to understand who God is? What happens to them? Hmmm...wow...this is a tough one.....I GOT IT!! How about an 'age of accountability?' Now we just need to twist a Biblical passage into supporting this new amazing idea. Well we've done it before. How hard can it be?"
So I ask Jesus "into my heart" and I'm immediately saved from hell. That's fantastic. I'm officially part of the heaven club. Wait...what's heaven again? Oh yeah it's the place that I had no idea existed five minutes ago but you needed some more incentive for me to want to accept this Jesus dude so you told me I could go to heaven if I did. Well what happens if I don't accept Jesus? What? ....Shit. I was unknowingly making penis shapes with play-doh five minutes ago and then life got really serious all of the sudden. What happened?
Here's the deal....If God so loved the world then why would he make everything so complicated? In reference to this, the musician, David Bazan, asks God, "Did you write a riddle that you knew they would fail?" God creates us, tells us to follow him, and then turns around and says "Oh by the way, you will never be good enough for me and you deserve to go to hell." What the hell, God? I'm just trying to eat these tacos. Mmm...I'm hungry. Blog over soon.
I want to leave this entry open-ended for two reasons. I like to hear what other people have to say on this subject, and also because I'm as clueless as ever about what I believe. Responses to this post will be much appreciated.
I really REALLY hope I never write a blog entry this long again.
If my 3 readers don't mind indulging me, I'd like to make this entry about something rather serious and critically close to my heart. If you came here to read the idiotic ramblings that I've presented up to this point then I'd like to say I'm sorry for this short detour. But NOT TO WORRY! The S.S. Incoherence will continue sailing very soon.
My Entire life has been influenced by religion. Hmmm.....influenced? Actually it's been mostly dominated by it. Like the majority of people I know, Christianity is my tradition. It doesn't really matter if I believe in it or not. I've been told to believe in God and Jesus for as long as I have been pooping in a real toilet (probably longer). Yes I think talking about poop is funny, but the point I'm making is that God is as central to my existence as bowel movements. The difference between those two things is that I know for a fact bowel movements exist. Anyone who was raised to be a Christian understands what I'm saying.
Why is it that I've been learning about God and Jesus Christ my entire life, but the whole concept is more confusing now than it has ever been? Shouldn't it be the other way around? There are just too many damn nagging questions.
It turns out I'm pretty broke. So today I went to try to sell a laundry basket full of books and dvds at Edward McKay's Used Books. It's a nice place. As I was waiting for them to dig through about 200 items only to offer me $37, I came across a book called Farewell to God. It was written by a lovely man named Charles Templeton. I say Mr. Templeton is lovely mainly because he's Canadian and all Americans know that Canadians are nicer than us and are usually, in fact, quite lovely. Mr. Templeton is a former evangelist who used to travel with Billy Graham. He studied theology at Princeton and was once one of the most prominent leaders in the American Presbyterian church. The reason most of us haven't heard of him is because he's super old and did most of his churching in the mid-twentieth century. Yep...churching...I liked it too. Because his book is called "Farewell to God," you've probably figured out that he left the ministry and is no longer a Christian. Just too many of those damn nagging questions...
There are tons of silly little questions that bug me like, "Why does God continue to let good people suffer while Manchester United keeps winning?" That was a soccer joke. But for reals, questions never go away, but I'm just going to focus on a few big ones. The God of the Old Testament is moody, jealous, insecure, vengeful, and extremely nit-picky. Then in the New Testament Jesus shows up and tells everyone how merciful and loving God is. So which is it? If God is so loving and merciful then why are there so many conditions on me being able to spend eternity in his heaven? And if he is jealous, insecure, and vengeful then is that really a god I want to worship or who is even deserving of it? Mr. Templeton is smarter than me so here's a piece of his mind:
"...let common sense rule for a moment: is it reasonable to believe that if the Creator of all the earth and Father of all mankind wanted to reveal himself and his will to the men and women of the world he would do so only to a tiny group of Mediterranean people, leaving the remainder of the world in ignorance? But many Christians do believe and teach this. They believe that, apart from their God, all men and women live in pagan darkness. Indeed, it is this conviction that provides the motivation for Christians in their efforts to get the gospel message out. Even more incredibly, Christians believe that the failure to accept Jesus Christ as Saviour and Lord is to be consigned at death to an endless hell.
The implication of this belief is clear: it is that the vast majority of the men, women, and children who have lived on earth are in Hell suffering endless torment and will remain in this condition forever.
To believe this is to make the Christian God a monster beyond imagining. Any intelligent human being will recognize that the concept is incredible." -Charles Templeton, Farewell to God
Like I said earlier, the subject of Christianity and faith is very important to me. There have been times in my life when I was completely devoted to following to Jesus, and there have also been times when all the questions and uncertainties made me want to walk away from it completely. To be honest, I find most Christians kind of annoying, but I think that has a lot to do with living in the Bible Belt my entire life. Puritan culture is so deeply rooted in this part of the country that it's downright disgusting. I know people who wholeheartedly believe that the type of haircut you have is directly related to the content of your character. Then again if you drive a minivan with those stick-figure family stickers on the back window then I probably hate you and believe you to be lacking character. I guess we all have our prejudices.
Here's one of the biggest questions I have: "What exactly is it that I need to be saved from?" My parents do gross things with each other then around nine months later I pop out. Mom says, "I shall call him Benny." Dad says, "Ben, cut the grass." So I slobber around for a while until I get to about age 5 and then the party is OVER! I am now at the "age of accountability" and am responsible for all the horrible things I've done and will do in the future. Apparently I'm a dirty rotten sinner and I need Jesus to come save me. Damnit. I was having so much fun too. The "age of accountability" has got to be my favorite Christian creation. One day some saint had a reasonable thought and said, "Wait....what about children who die before they are able to understand who God is? What happens to them? Hmmm...wow...this is a tough one.....I GOT IT!! How about an 'age of accountability?' Now we just need to twist a Biblical passage into supporting this new amazing idea. Well we've done it before. How hard can it be?"
So I ask Jesus "into my heart" and I'm immediately saved from hell. That's fantastic. I'm officially part of the heaven club. Wait...what's heaven again? Oh yeah it's the place that I had no idea existed five minutes ago but you needed some more incentive for me to want to accept this Jesus dude so you told me I could go to heaven if I did. Well what happens if I don't accept Jesus? What? ....Shit. I was unknowingly making penis shapes with play-doh five minutes ago and then life got really serious all of the sudden. What happened?
Here's the deal....If God so loved the world then why would he make everything so complicated? In reference to this, the musician, David Bazan, asks God, "Did you write a riddle that you knew they would fail?" God creates us, tells us to follow him, and then turns around and says "Oh by the way, you will never be good enough for me and you deserve to go to hell." What the hell, God? I'm just trying to eat these tacos. Mmm...I'm hungry. Blog over soon.
I want to leave this entry open-ended for two reasons. I like to hear what other people have to say on this subject, and also because I'm as clueless as ever about what I believe. Responses to this post will be much appreciated.
I really REALLY hope I never write a blog entry this long again.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Zoroaster makes me boogie
Dudes,
Here's how this is supposed to go. I write stuff that entertains my dumb brain, and then I laugh about it for the next few days. This formula is not working. I've gained three followers and one of them is my mother. I like that my mother likes me, but if she loved me she would make me enchiladas this week. That's a request, ma.
So I've prohibited myself from making this a soccer blog, but something pretty amazing happened this weekend. Manchester City beat Arsenal 1-0, and I just happened to be watching the match with a few Arsenal fans. Terry Body Floyd Diffin Bifkin just happens to be the biggest Arsenal supporter I know, and he had to eat every bit of shit-talking he did before the game. I blended it into a delightful little Manchester City Milkshake so it would go down a bit smoother. I'm a benevolent conqueror...like Cyrus the Great.
If you're not familiar with the Persian king, Cyrus, then I encourage you to look him up. He ruled Persia during the 500s BC and amassed a gigantic empire that stretched from the Mediterranean Sea to the Indus River. It was the largest empire the world had ever seen. But that's not what makes him amazing. He was also a benevolent king who allowed conquered peoples to practically live as they had always lived and even let them practice their own religions. This has particular relevance for the folks who appreciate Judeo-Christian traditions. The Jews were one of the groups who were conquered by Cyrus, and He and the Persian people had a profound effect on Judaism and Christianity to this day. Cyrus was so kind to the Jews that when he told them they could return to their homeland many of them didn't even want to go. In the Book of Isaiah Cyrus is even referred to as "The Lord's anointed." This is a man who was the king of a supposedly barbaric, ungodly, and pagan people. Hmmm....what kinds of lessons could modern Christians learn from this??
The effect of the Persians on Judaism and Christianity is immense and very consequential. Do you believe in hell? If you do you should probably figure out why you do and where the idea of a fiery hell came from. Spoiler- it came from the Persians. Bible lesson over.
I went out and danced like an idiot for about 3 hours last night. It's even better that the only other people around were 3 dudes and a married girl. It was the most fun I've ever had with a downtown sweater on. IZOD!
Here's how this is supposed to go. I write stuff that entertains my dumb brain, and then I laugh about it for the next few days. This formula is not working. I've gained three followers and one of them is my mother. I like that my mother likes me, but if she loved me she would make me enchiladas this week. That's a request, ma.
So I've prohibited myself from making this a soccer blog, but something pretty amazing happened this weekend. Manchester City beat Arsenal 1-0, and I just happened to be watching the match with a few Arsenal fans. Terry Body Floyd Diffin Bifkin just happens to be the biggest Arsenal supporter I know, and he had to eat every bit of shit-talking he did before the game. I blended it into a delightful little Manchester City Milkshake so it would go down a bit smoother. I'm a benevolent conqueror...like Cyrus the Great.
If you're not familiar with the Persian king, Cyrus, then I encourage you to look him up. He ruled Persia during the 500s BC and amassed a gigantic empire that stretched from the Mediterranean Sea to the Indus River. It was the largest empire the world had ever seen. But that's not what makes him amazing. He was also a benevolent king who allowed conquered peoples to practically live as they had always lived and even let them practice their own religions. This has particular relevance for the folks who appreciate Judeo-Christian traditions. The Jews were one of the groups who were conquered by Cyrus, and He and the Persian people had a profound effect on Judaism and Christianity to this day. Cyrus was so kind to the Jews that when he told them they could return to their homeland many of them didn't even want to go. In the Book of Isaiah Cyrus is even referred to as "The Lord's anointed." This is a man who was the king of a supposedly barbaric, ungodly, and pagan people. Hmmm....what kinds of lessons could modern Christians learn from this??
The effect of the Persians on Judaism and Christianity is immense and very consequential. Do you believe in hell? If you do you should probably figure out why you do and where the idea of a fiery hell came from. Spoiler- it came from the Persians. Bible lesson over.
I went out and danced like an idiot for about 3 hours last night. It's even better that the only other people around were 3 dudes and a married girl. It was the most fun I've ever had with a downtown sweater on. IZOD!
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
MCFC 2001-present
Dudes,
This will absolutely NOT be a soccer blog. Even though fussball is the most pure and beautiful of all sport I will not allow myself to turn this into another place where some sweaty fratboy rants about whatever vaguely homo-erotic game he passionately supports. I don't care if "fratboy" is supposed to be two words. I like the way it looks like that.
I would love to write a 1000 word essay explaining why soccer/football/fotball/fussball/futbol/calcio is superior to every "American" sport, but I genuinely believe that watching one day of ESPN will do that hard work for me. I find it hilarious that really manly men like to get together and watch other really manly men run around in tight pants. Not only do they watch them, but they eat large pieces of meat while they're doing it. If you don't catch the sexual undertones in that statement then you're way too mature for me to hang out with. American sports are super gay and I super love the irony in that. I could talk about MMA, but I'm pretty sure everyone is aware of how awesomely gay it is so there's no need.
I occasionally think it's a shame that I'm not gay. I think I'd be quite good at it. I typically like really gay things....Will & Grace, What Not to Wear, House Hunters, Home Depot, and Cupcake Wars. Listening to Elton John makes me cry. What more evidence do you need? But EJ wasn't officially gay until 1988 so I guess his best stuff is still straight. It's at least confused.
I truly intended to make this blog entry about soccer, but once again I've been distracted by subtle homosexuality. I like Manchester City Football Club.
This will absolutely NOT be a soccer blog. Even though fussball is the most pure and beautiful of all sport I will not allow myself to turn this into another place where some sweaty fratboy rants about whatever vaguely homo-erotic game he passionately supports. I don't care if "fratboy" is supposed to be two words. I like the way it looks like that.
I would love to write a 1000 word essay explaining why soccer/football/fotball/fussball/futbol/calcio is superior to every "American" sport, but I genuinely believe that watching one day of ESPN will do that hard work for me. I find it hilarious that really manly men like to get together and watch other really manly men run around in tight pants. Not only do they watch them, but they eat large pieces of meat while they're doing it. If you don't catch the sexual undertones in that statement then you're way too mature for me to hang out with. American sports are super gay and I super love the irony in that. I could talk about MMA, but I'm pretty sure everyone is aware of how awesomely gay it is so there's no need.
I occasionally think it's a shame that I'm not gay. I think I'd be quite good at it. I typically like really gay things....Will & Grace, What Not to Wear, House Hunters, Home Depot, and Cupcake Wars. Listening to Elton John makes me cry. What more evidence do you need? But EJ wasn't officially gay until 1988 so I guess his best stuff is still straight. It's at least confused.
I truly intended to make this blog entry about soccer, but once again I've been distracted by subtle homosexuality. I like Manchester City Football Club.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Explanation of Benefits
Dudes,
I've recently re-discovered a desire to write and to try to do it professionally. I understand this is a mistake and I will be punished for it. I also understand that anyone reading this just rolled their eyes after reading the first sentence. But think about this...why else would Our Good Lord have given me a willingness and unquenchable desire to eat disgusting things? Not only do I not mind ramen, but I enjoy it. PLUS, the lord keeps prices low at Taco Bell. You can still eat there for less than 3 dollars. If you don't consider that miraculous then you're too cynical.
The point is...I was told that if I want to be a writer then I should at the very least have a blog. I do what I'm told. Blogging is one of the millions of things in this world that I am clueless about, so I sincerely thank everyone who takes the time to read anything I have to say. If I accrue five followers I'll consider this venture a success.
I've recently re-discovered a desire to write and to try to do it professionally. I understand this is a mistake and I will be punished for it. I also understand that anyone reading this just rolled their eyes after reading the first sentence. But think about this...why else would Our Good Lord have given me a willingness and unquenchable desire to eat disgusting things? Not only do I not mind ramen, but I enjoy it. PLUS, the lord keeps prices low at Taco Bell. You can still eat there for less than 3 dollars. If you don't consider that miraculous then you're too cynical.
The point is...I was told that if I want to be a writer then I should at the very least have a blog. I do what I'm told. Blogging is one of the millions of things in this world that I am clueless about, so I sincerely thank everyone who takes the time to read anything I have to say. If I accrue five followers I'll consider this venture a success.
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